I don't question his love for me. He expresses his love verbally very well, he drives 3 hours every weekend to see me, and he's pays A LOT of attention to me during the week when we are apart (phone calls and texts)..and when he comes to my house during the weekend..he is extremely attentive to me. He is helping me plan this wedding and honeymoon...which is great..I love that he is participating.
What boggles my mind is that he doesn't do anything for me on my birthdays or christmas.
My last Birthday when I turned 27, he had nothing planned. On my birthday...he asked me what I wanted to do. I was surprised that he didn't plan anything already. I got online to see what there was to do that day in our town and I found 3 things that would be nice. Going skating, eat at a specific restaurant, and to the movies.
All totaling $50. He said ok...then asked me to pay ..half. Which hurt my feelings...he could tell that it hurt my feelings...so then he said he'd pay all..but I could tell her really didn't want to. He didn't get me a gift...we just went out and did all 3 of those things. The day was nice...but it still bothered me that I had to plan it all.
Christmas--he got me nothing. Nothing, not even a card.
Now my 28th birthday is coming again (in 10 days) and he told me that all he can afford is to get me a cake. Nothing else. Because he can't afford anything else...let me add, he just bought himself a brand new $200 xbox 4 days ago.
I do a lot for him on his birthdays. I start planning about 2 months ahead...i bake him a cake myself..get him 2 or 3 gifts...and we have a nice party at home..then we go out to the movies, shoot some pool..and other things..and I pay for it ALL. And it's all planned months in advance. For Christmas, I do for him too...always getting him something I know he will love. He always tells me how good I make him feel...that nobody in his family ever gives him good birthdays like I do..and that for christmas...his own family does not give him thoughtful gifts like I do. BUT THEN HE TURNS AROUND..and does nothing for me on my days.
He can EASILY spend money on himself...but when it comes to buying for others...he gets extremely greedy. He'll buy someone something for $20..then complain about it the entire time. And he'll complain about the money he spent IN FRONT OF THE PERSON HE IS GIVING THE GIFT TO!
He's kinda like scrooge. I TRY TO MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM---tell him EXACTLY what I would like for birthday and Christmas...he asks me what I want..I tell him..but then he doesn't get it.
HIS REASONING---he waits till the last minute to get my gift..like the day before my birthday or day before christmas...then when he goes to get it..the store is sold out..he can't find it anywhere...blah blah blah. I tell him he should plan AHEAD...buy the gift weeks in advance...he says that's a good idea...but then doesn't.
He doesn't even get me a card.
What are your thoughts on this?
It sounds like during the entire year you are blessed with a wonderful man. Don't put too much emphasis on concrete gifts. They wear out. Kindness and love last forever.
You really need to come to terms with this and accept it otherwise it will continue to bother you and build up over the years. You say he treats you well yet you are still hoping he will plan something special and if he doesn't you are going to be going to be greatly disappointed,
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CC Dont plan on changing the way he operates. You will be happier if you accept him as he is.There are 3 things that you absolutely cannot change:
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CC Dont plan on changing the way he operates. You will be happier if you accept him as he is.There are 3 things that you absolutely cannot change:
1. The Past
2. The Truth
3. Other People
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I never give gifts on the "correct" date if I give them at all. It all depends on what is important to you in life. And the willingness for compromise.
YOU MEAN YOUR EX FIANCE
um kool
Sounds like he has no money!
You know how this man is. He doesn't put emphasis on birthdays and such. Plus you feel he is selfish with the money. None of this is going to change so you better decide how much of a problem this is before the I do's. Because he isn't going to change.
i think you need to have a real long and good look at september --- if this man doesn't get it and will share nothing ( except you pay half ) then you are in for a long haul for however long you last in marriage --- and lord help you when you have little ones --- i think you need to sit him down and discuss this " selfishness " that he appears to be oblivious to --- else walk him to the kerb --- better you find out now than later --- good luck
ahem --- revenge might sound sweet and what iv'e said may be a bitter pill to swallow --- but do you seriously believe that will change his demeanor --- youv'e got no xmas before sept --- and you might have one birthday --- but if doing for him includes something else --- sadly i thjink he is totally oblivious and in time will become a control freak
only you can decide how important it is to you in this relationship where gifts are not given? wouldnt bother me at all! expressions of love mean more than presents!
My thought is you had better get used to this or don't marry him. It is nice you go all out for him but don't do it thinking he should reciprocate on your birthday. He did take you out to all 3 of the places you wanted to go and yet you are upset he also didn't get you a gift? If you love him and want to be with him this is something you are just going to have to accept about him and not get so worked up about it. Aside from that you do say he is very thoughtful and considerate. Look at the positive things about him instead of making an issue out of this one thing. It really isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. I do strongly recommend you two decide on how you are going to share finances once you get married otherwise you may find yourself paying most of the bills while he spends his money on other things.
This is the time when a man is at their best. So don't expect him to suddenly start thinking of you first. He is obviously more concerned with himself than you. And he will continue to be. Marriage doesn't change men (or women) it only ties you to the things that drive you insane and magnifies them.
People only treat us the way we let them. Stop doing for him. Treat him like he treats you. Just know he's never gonna change.you seem like a person with a good heart and i know its hard for you to change but just try it when it's his b-day.What does he do for his Mom? Does he buy for his family on their Holidays?
I would ask him if he wants you to do anything for his birthday any longer since he does not go out of his way for you. One year, you should do exactly what he does %26amp; see what his reaction is.
It is amazing how people react when they feel what they have been doing. I am not saying to be spiteful, but how else can he learn how to treat you. You have to demand respect, people don't automatically give it. Good Luck to you!
I've been married almost 15 years, and the only gifts I get are the ones I buy myself!
Although my wife did say she went to Guy's Freaking Nothing Store the last few occasions, but they were sold out...
Get used to it... plus, if you base a relationship on gifts, you may want to re-examine that relationship.
One - "The Five Love Languages" by G. Chapman. (get a freak'n clue!)
Two - you now KNOW this man's true CHARACTER. And YOU have decided to stay in this relationship after he has SCREAMED at you who he really is.
You have made your own bed.
My ex wife never gave me a gift in 7 years. Maybe 1 Valentine's Day she got me boxers.
In the long run I figured out that she never really loved me. Or at least the way that I loved her.
I am not saying that he doesn't love you, I am just saying be sure that he shows that he loves you. It's not hard to buy a card or even a bottle of perfume.
If you like living like this, then marry him. If not, don't. This is the time when a man is at their best. So don't expect him to suddenly start thinking of you first. He is obviously more concerned with himself than you. And he will continue to be. Marriage doesn't change men (or women) it only ties you to the things that drive you insane and magnifies them. If you don't think you can handle it or it bothers you so much you have to ask us, you two are not right for each other.
If he makes NO EFFORT on those special days for you, then why does he EXPECT you to do so for him? That he can find money for his own indulgences, but can't "afford" to make your birthday special for you?You know he's that tight with money, well just don't expect him to magically change. Is this really the type you want to be married to?
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